The iPhone and massage

I've just bought the iPhone X and have taken to it like a duck to water. All the new changes – like face recognition and no home button – were second nature to me within 15 minutes. No big deal. I was enthusing about it to one of my clients this week in Highbury and my client pointed out that £1,000 was a lot to spend on a phone. It is, I agreed, but this phone can do anything! What, like text and make phone calls? asked my client in a rather sarcastic way.

Well, yes, that but it can do all sorts of other things – I haven't even discovered half of them yet. (And probably never will.)

'Can it give you a good massage?' asked my client. 'Because that would save me a fortune.' (This client comes to me every week and actually has several fortunes so I'm not so sure that saving one of them is a top priority.)

As it happens there's a massage app you can download that makes your phone vibrate (iMassage U Vibrating Massager). I think I should steer clear of exploring what a vibrating massager phone can do for your life, but enough to say it won't give you much of a massage.

I did a search for 'Massage' in the Apple store but it mostly comes up with 'massage music' of a kind I find inane – Deep Energy is just one example. What, pray, is 'deep energy'?

Anyway, the smartest thing you can do with your smart phone is to use it to book a deep-tissue massage with me. You can do it all online – read about it, book it, even pay for it.

iPhone therefore I am.

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